(((My Fellow Americans))) #48: Pony Up With Vermin Supreme

Spike is BACK from his heroic exodus against Hurricane Dorian, and he's ready to get serious with his guest, perennial Presidential candidate Vermin Supreme! They're going to talk about the most serious issues facing our great nation: transitioning to a Pony-Based Economy, mandating that everyone brush and floss their teeth, harnessing zombies to produce unlimited energy and going back in time to kill baby Hitler.


About This Episode


Spike is BACK from his heroic exodus against Hurricane Dorian, and he’s ready to get serious with his guest, perennial Presidential candidate Vermin Supreme!

They’re going to talk about the most serious issues facing our great nation: transitioning to a Pony-Based Economy, mandating that everyone brush and floss their teeth, harnessing zombies to produce unlimited energy and going back in time to kill baby Hitler.

Vermin on FB

Vermin on Twitter

Who Is Vermin Supreme? Documentary

iPony the Book

Libertarian Dad Bod Calendar

Intro & Outro Music by JoDavi.


Episode Transcript

DISCLOSURE
This episode transcript is auto-generated and a provided as a service to the hearing impaired. We apologize for any errors or inaccuracies.
FULL TRANSCRIPT TEXT
02:03
[Music]
02:05
and now you’re watching my fellow
02:13
Americans with your host spike yes yes
02:25
thank you I’m back I am back keep
02:30
clapping keep clapping because I’m back
02:34
thank you for clapping how will you know
02:36
that you’re happy that I’m back if you
02:38
didn’t keep clapping welcome to my
02:40
fellow Americans I am literally spike
02:43
Cohen I am so happy that you could be
02:45
here tonight with me
02:46
spike Cohen as you know I’ve been gone a
02:49
couple of weeks I had to go out of town
02:52
for a very Jewish thing and then I
02:54
heroically fled hurricane Dorian the
02:57
following week single-handedly saving
02:59
myself and my family from its ravaging
03:03
storminess I was very heroic deed for me
03:06
but now I am back this is a Muddy Waters
03:09
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03:27
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03:29
applicable some of them have a bell that
03:30
you have to hit be sure to hit the bell
03:31
and share this right now the last thing
03:34
I want is for you and your closest loved
03:37
ones to miss out on a roughly hour-long
03:40
libertarian podcast and Wednesday
03:42
evening be sure to give the gift of
03:44
Spike Cohen today kids love it this
03:46
program is brought to you by anchor
03:48
which I will be plugging later roughly
03:51
halfway through this program probably at
03:53
a very inappropriate moment the intro
03:56
and outro music
03:57
for this and every episode of my fellow
03:59
Americans comes from the amazing and
04:00
talented mr. Joe Davi that’s Jay o Davi
04:03
check him out on Facebook SoundCloud be
04:07
sure to go to Joe Davi music VanCamp com
04:10
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04:12
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that right after the show thank you
04:18
again mr. Joe Davi I’d like to
04:19
kroger for this delicious purify
04:23
drinking water that I drink on this and
04:25
every episode of my fellow Americans
04:28
that is beautiful drinking water thank
04:31
you so much
04:32
shout out to Tamara on Turks is mom and
04:33
I’m as always guys my guest tonight
04:35
needs no introduction and yet here I am
04:39
continuing to talk he has been running
04:41
for public office since 1987 he has been
04:44
a presidential candidate as a Republican
04:46
as a Democrat and as an independent he’s
04:49
currently running for the Libertarian
04:51
Party nomination to be the next
04:52
president ladies and gentlemen my fellow
04:55
Americans please welcome to the show mr.
04:57
vermin supreme vermin thank you for
04:59
coming on
05:17
I’m doing well you I we don’t I can hear
05:20
your audio but they can’t hold on one
05:21
second
05:22
I will wait a second okay say something
05:35
now hello can you hear me yeah they can
05:42
hear you now so I’m very excited to have
05:45
you on I’m also grateful that we’re
05:47
doing this remotely because I just
05:48
washed my hair and I didn’t want to be
05:50
glitter bomb so I appreciate that and
05:52
guys yeah guys be sure to comment with
05:56
your questions and thoughts and vermin
05:58
and I will tell you if you are right or
06:00
wrong now vermin this is your first time
06:03
on the show and the first thing I always
06:04
ask my guess is to tell me how you
06:06
describe your political beliefs and then
06:09
to tell me a little story but Diddy if
06:11
you will about how you came to those
06:13
beliefs was it an aha moment or kind of
06:15
a gradual evolution tell us you were
06:17
Diddy well sir let me say this about
06:23
that I am a libertarian I come from the
06:27
left
06:28
anarchist perspective that’s where I cut
06:31
my teeth okay leave her in mutual aid
06:35
and such things and of course up until
06:38
oh maybe 2008 you might find me saying
06:42
things about libertarians that weren’t
06:45
entirely a complimentary and such
06:49
however I believe that these are beliefs
06:53
that I had at that time were indeed a
06:57
form of prejudice because I did not know
07:01
any libertarians because of course
07:03
libertarians have a number of negative
07:06
stereotypes with which they have to deal
07:08
with on a daily basis and of which many
07:11
normal people if you will believe to be
07:14
true and it took me quite a while
07:17
working with various libertarians over
07:20
the years mainly up in New Hampshire
07:23
associates in the Free State Project and
07:26
the like and I have come around I have
07:30
read the libertarian party platform
07:34
right and I was able to dovetail many of
07:37
my beliefs into the Libertarian Party I
07:40
was a libertarian but did not even quite
07:43
realize it the libertarian party being
07:46
one that supports the individual one
07:49
that is against the state that is
07:51
against the war that is against
07:52
overreaching government surveillance
07:55
against the police state are the things
07:59
I had word me and then when I found out
08:04
that these were things that I also had
08:06
in common with the libertarian party I
08:09
was able to integrate myself with the
08:13
party and decided that I should continue
08:15
my never-ending campaign for the
08:19
presidency towards the libertarian party
08:22
that’s cool that you’ve been now you
08:25
didn’t start running for president in
08:26
1987 but you ran for what may or
08:28
something like that in 87 yes that my
08:31
first one was in 1987 I was running for
08:34
mayor of Baltimore Maryland it was not a
08:38
political statement it was more of as a
08:40
lark just for something to do something
08:44
to entertain myself and that was that so
08:50
we we act like right oh no I was gonna
08:54
say so you you ran in 87 we my family
08:59
took five year old me and fled to Myrtle
09:02
Beach from Baltimore that’s actually
09:04
where I was born and we fled in 1988 no
09:07
doubt because you did not win the
09:09
mayoral election that’s that’s probably
09:11
true that unfortunately mr. smoke was
09:14
generally recognized as the mayor at
09:15
that time was indeed a very critical
09:19
campaign it was very strange time in my
09:22
life I was sort of done with Baltimore
09:25
and I was sort of planning my escape but
09:27
I had no plan to escape and so my life
09:32
was sort of going to shit you might say
09:34
and at that time that’s when I declared
09:37
that I was running for mayor just
09:38
because I thought it was an interesting
09:39
thing that might keep me there but in
09:42
the meantime it was a 19
09:44
86 that the great piece marks for global
09:47
nuclear disarmament which was a protest
09:50
march that March from Los Angeles to
09:53
Washington DC rolled through town and
09:56
essentially one of my roommates came
09:58
home and they brought some people from
10:00
that March and I went to Memorial
10:03
Stadium and I saw this amazing group of
10:07
people 5,000 people at that point with
10:10
the entire infrastructure that was
10:12
required to move such a large group of
10:15
people down the road there was obviously
10:17
porta potti trucks lots of them they had
10:20
their own sewer pumping honeypot trucks
10:22
they had kitchens several kitchens they
10:25
had semi-trailer trucks hauling like
10:28
peoples up to milk crates of possessions
10:31
that they were allowed to bring with
10:32
them you know there was just as in very
10:36
large social mobile movement and it was
10:41
a very inspirational thing to save and
10:44
when I saw that rowing through Baltimore
10:46
at that time I immediately went to a
10:49
thrift store I picked up a clean change
10:52
of clothing I picked up a cheap sleeping
10:54
bag and I started walking with the the
10:58
members of this great peace march I
11:00
walked with them to DC now there was a
11:02
weekend of a civil disobedience people
11:05
throwing their shoes that they had
11:06
walked across the country with over the
11:08
White House fence there was rallies and
11:11
there was sort of the beginning of the
11:13
height of the anti-nuclear movement in
11:16
the 80s right and I met some some
11:20
anarchists and I met some a bunch of
11:23
people that I know to this very day they
11:26
got together they formed a small
11:29
collective called seeds of peace they
11:31
were able to purchase some of the
11:33
logistical equipment including a kitchen
11:35
trailer a big water tank and a porta
11:40
potti truck six six or eight
11:41
porta-potties on a truck and so they
11:44
were able to they want to continue the
11:46
work of us of sustaining these mobile
11:50
protest marches right whoa
11:52
yes no I said right oh right and so I
11:57
started
11:58
I joined this collective and started I
12:01
joined them in their first March which
12:03
was from Kings Bay Georgia where they
12:06
were deploying the nuclear submarines
12:08
down to Cape Canaveral where they were
12:12
testing the Trident d5 first strike
12:15
missile at the time and at the end of
12:19
the March a number of people actually
12:22
went back country and infiltrated the
12:26
Cape Canaveral Air Force Base in order
12:29
to disrupt the plan tests of the Trident
12:33
missiles and so that sort of introduced
12:37
me to my life of activism and from there
12:41
I started doing other another piece
12:44
March in Michigan and then one in New
12:47
England and I met my wife at during this
12:49
time I also started attending rainbow
12:54
gatherings are you familiar with the the
12:56
rainbow family of living love and light
12:58
and their gatherings is that these are
13:01
the hippies that like a few thousand of
13:04
them go into like national parks and
13:05
stuff every once in a while national
13:07
force national parks but yes imagine if
13:11
you will
13:11
three to four thousand people in
13:13
concentric circles having dinner up to a
13:17
hundred different kitchens in the woods
13:19
scattered through the woods bringing
13:22
five-gallon buckets down to this dinner
13:25
circle five thousand people getting fed
13:28
also during this circle people are going
13:31
around giving information announcements
13:33
and the magic cat goes round and because
13:35
there are non commercial events because
13:37
they’re held it on public plan there’s
13:41
no way there’s no commerce occurring
13:44
yeah because that would endanger our
13:46
ability to gather on land and so the
13:49
only way thing you can money is to throw
13:52
it into the magic bucket and so the
13:54
magic bucket goes around the money is
13:57
collected it goes to the banking council
13:59
the banking council counts the money
14:00
they announce the money that they’ve
14:02
made
14:03
then they interface with the supply
14:05
council and then the supply council
14:07
meets up with the kitchen council where
14:09
all the hundred kitchens send
14:11
representative
14:11
with their shopping list the shopping
14:14
lists go to the main supply main supply
14:16
goes to town with the money comes back
14:18
with the supply it goes out to the
14:20
kitchen if the kitchens cook it up and
14:21
then bring it down and that’s sort of
14:24
the cycle how it occurs and also this
14:27
money is used to buy a water pipe
14:29
because there are is literally miles of
14:31
water pipe the rainbow family ends up
14:34
tapping Springs so that there is running
14:37
water to these kitchens so there’s
14:39
everybody couldn’t wash their hands and
14:41
well and it’s a beautiful and artistic
14:45
organism right is this very autonomous
14:48
zone no is in charge and things only get
14:52
done because people get together and and
14:56
council up and decide how to get this
14:58
done and so it was sort of this in that
15:03
environment where I start to learn to be
15:05
a real crazy wacky clown because it’s
15:08
sort of Rainbow Gathering as you can
15:10
sort of make your own reality and part
15:12
of my reality became being a funny clown
15:16
the coming up with the amusing little
15:18
entertaining bits and going from Camp to
15:21
camp and group to group and and
15:23
entertaining them I also continued my
15:26
stage craft in Baltimore I was a ran a
15:30
couple of night clubs and I was doing
15:32
the door and doing the doing the
15:35
introduction work and the emcee duties
15:37
and so I started hosting and emceeing
15:40
talent shows at the Rainbow Gathering
15:41
because there’s a lot of it’s not an
15:44
electric entertainment it’s all acoustic
15:45
and a lot of talent shows and things so
15:48
there’s stages and started working that
15:51
angle of it right and also of course so
15:55
that this was a several year period
15:56
where I was out of the Nevada nuclear
15:58
test site in the early 90s where we
16:02
could we’re literally thousands of
16:04
people are getting arrested crossing
16:06
into the Nevada nuclear test site going
16:07
back country at the Nevada nuclear test
16:10
site doing a symbolic civil disobedience
16:12
and it was a very exciting time and I
16:16
was also bringing in my clowning skills
16:19
and my candidacy for various offices
16:24
into these
16:25
politically charged in tense situations
16:29
and and also after a while in the
16:34
rainbow gatherings I also it came to my
16:37
attention that one of the many services
16:39
that we provide for our own selves at
16:41
these events is security and security is
16:45
of course a very important thing and so
16:48
I started working with the Shantae Sina
16:50
which is a Sanskrit for peacekeeper or
16:53
some other cultural appropriation phrase
16:56
but part of this you know it’s it’s
16:58
essentially crisis counseling it’s camp
17:01
counseling’s it’s really a glorified
17:02
camp counselor on steroids if you will
17:06
and it’s sort of like trying to deal
17:08
with conflict defuse a neighborhood
17:11
situations domestic disputes things of
17:13
this nature
17:14
but one of the other services that we
17:17
provide is escorts no we’re not
17:20
providing escorts but we’re that would
17:22
be that would be quite a conflict
17:24
resolution but we escort the media if
17:28
meteor is coming in to check it out the
17:31
scene we usually try and have some
17:34
peacekeeper with them because a lot of
17:36
the rainbow people are very freaky
17:38
skittish about having their pictures
17:40
taken and things like that so it’s good
17:43
to warn them that the media is gonna
17:45
take pictures or whatever and another
17:47
group in particular that gets escorted
17:51
through our gatherings is the police and
17:54
so I found myself spending you know an
17:57
eight-hour shift escorting being walking
18:02
with the cops
18:03
you know eight Alabama state troopers or
18:06
you know just all sorts of various very
18:09
uptight cops walking into the gathering
18:12
and it would give me the opportunity to
18:14
number one warn the people that they
18:17
were coming in in the rainbow we all
18:19
have six up as a warning to people so
18:21
they can leash their dog and hide their
18:23
drugs and what have you and also
18:26
propagandize the police and and use my
18:30
humor as I was learning to in in the
18:34
clowning situation to help facilitate a
18:38
smooth
18:39
for these folks through sometimes
18:41
hostile crowds and line right right and
18:43
and so doing this I mean that sir
18:47
prepared me and made me feel very
18:50
comfortable dealing with cops on a not
18:54
conferred confrontational that more of
18:56
an oppositional yet respectful type of
19:01
calling them out on shit and things of
19:03
that nature with humor and that prepared
19:06
me to bring that those skills I mean
19:08
essentially what I am is sort of a sum
19:10
of a skillset that I have to developed
19:14
and picked up and perfected if you will
19:17
over the years right
19:19
I was able to bring these skills out
19:20
into riot world and of course in riot
19:23
world there’s oftentimes a lot of tense
19:25
situations between the police and the
19:28
protesters and and there’s oftentimes
19:31
there’s a vacuum between the two and in
19:34
that vacuum pretty much anything could
19:37
happen and will happen yeah you may be a
19:40
cop will take a cheap shot with their
19:41
pepper spray or maybe somebody will
19:43
throw something at the cops or write
19:45
anything and and and it’s then it
19:48
becomes this tit-for-tat thing and it’s
19:50
essentially it’s a script and if you got
19:51
an idea of what the script is going to
19:53
be I have found that you can sort of
19:56
step in and preempt it or change it and
19:59
so I have found myself occupying this
20:03
space between the protesters between the
20:06
cops in an attempt to keep a chill if
20:10
you will and this of course was back in
20:13
the day when peacekeepers and parade
20:16
marshals you know they were part of a
20:18
protest marches in there you know people
20:21
helping facilitate crowds to freely
20:24
exercise their First Amendment rights
20:26
right and after all of you know and then
20:30
bringing in the politician thing into it
20:33
and all of these things and it just
20:35
seemed to be this really tricky way of
20:39
de-escalating some really crazy
20:41
situations over the years very cool so
20:45
that brings us to your current run for
20:47
the White House now I’ve done an
20:49
extensive amount of research on you and
20:52
your platform and I
20:53
a contact high from it so thank you for
20:55
that your platform seems to be built
20:57
around four main things in your agenda
20:59
and the first and most prominent one of
21:02
course being what you describe as a pony
21:03
based economy or Pony nom –ax tell us a
21:06
little about Pony Atomics well the first
21:10
thing that you need to understand about
21:12
Tony nominee people always say to me
21:14
vermin are we really going to be used
21:17
ponies for currency and I say don’t be
21:21
ridiculous
21:22
until we can make them very small of
21:25
course anything you have people working
21:28
on that naturally but the thing to
21:31
understand about a pony based economy is
21:33
that they are free ponies of course
21:35
number one there they’re absolutely free
21:37
that they come from other ponies when a
21:40
boy pony meets a girl pony well they get
21:42
together and you know and they do the
21:45
thing and right I could get rather
21:48
graphic and sometimes I do but we’ll
21:50
just leave it at that for now okay and
21:52
11 months gestation periods later well a
21:56
free Pony comes out of the the mama pony
21:58
so that’s it’s a beautiful thing it’s a
22:01
fact of nature and it’s the the basis of
22:04
the free Pony based economy now once
22:08
everybody has their own personal free
22:13
pony well we own the ponies essentially
22:17
and when you own something you also own
22:20
the equity that exists in that object or
22:25
thing and so we have equity in our
22:29
ponies so naturally once we’ve
22:30
established equity in our ponies we will
22:32
be able to borrow against it so we will
22:37
be borrowing against the equity that our
22:39
ponies that we’ve received for free
22:42
possess now watch we have established
22:46
Pony based debt well that is where
22:50
things get very interesting because as
22:53
we all know jet is essentially a
22:55
currency in and of its own I mean
22:58
nations run on it banks run on it
23:01
collection agencies run on it so once we
23:03
just Atlas Pony based debt then we are
23:06
going to be able to create
23:07
all sorts of Pony based debt financial
23:10
instruments we’re gonna bring in the
23:11
smartest and the smartest of the
23:14
smartest to make up a pony default
23:16
triple-a default swaps and you know
23:19
treble pony assets and sorts of things
23:22
like pony pop pony pony pawnshops pony
23:26
pawnshops all these things and
23:27
essentially what it’s going to do is
23:29
going to create a pony based bubble in
23:32
the economy and as everybody knows a
23:36
bubble is one of the most wonderful
23:38
things to have in your economy at the
23:40
time that it is in your economy because
23:42
what it means is that the economy is
23:44
red-hot it means that everybody’s
23:47
working all cylinders are firing
23:50
everybody’s making lots of money the
23:53
stock market’s going up and up and up
23:55
and the important thing to realize about
23:57
this particular Pony based economy
23:59
bubble is that it will be reinforced
24:03
steel belted and lasts forever
24:07
thank you I’m cutting supreme I support
24:10
a pony based economy that sounds amazing
24:11
and so you you break it down into the
24:13
universal Pony health care system social
24:15
Pony security the federal hay stamp
24:18
program now there are more yes in fact
24:20
I’ve been elaborating on the the
24:23
universal Pony care proposal and of
24:26
course it does involve one apple per
24:28
person per day a sugar cube if you
24:33
really deserve it and unfortunately if
24:36
you break your leg we will have to put
24:38
you down that’s that’s just the
24:41
government death panel thing you know
24:44
wait just one second because some other
24:46
journalists and professional pundits out
24:47
there in the lamestream media might be
24:50
willing to let you get away with without
24:51
asking you the hard questions about Pony
24:53
na mcc’s but not on an August program
24:55
such as mine I’m seeing a very gleaming
24:58
omission here
24:59
and I’m not gonna let it pass leave me
25:02
like someone’s shiny shiny teeth
25:04
perhaps no well my question is this do
25:07
you or do you not plan to give free
25:10
ponies to illegal aliens well once again
25:15
of course they I was thinking of more
25:17
long lines of burrows would be probably
25:20
more appropriate
25:20
for the illegal Mexican immigrants
25:23
that’s that’s actually with a magic
25:26
lingo I mean we can make every illegal
25:30
immigrant legal just by Fiat just by
25:33
saying so just by magically passing some
25:36
legislation I mean can a human being
25:39
really be a illegal
25:40
not with a pony pony I shared your Pony
25:45
anomic splat form with my wife and I I’m
25:47
not gonna lie she was very concerned
25:49
about potential animal welfare issues
25:51
namely how was a supreme administration
25:54
going to make sure the ponies are well
25:55
cared for and precisely what do you plan
25:57
to do with all the pony poop well that’s
26:00
it kind of course the the pony poop is
26:01
going to provide valuable methane gas
26:04
once it’s processed and it will add
26:07
wonderful compost to re-up America is a
26:10
soil that’s been wasted by a big
26:12
agribusiness will be a unemployed
26:17
Americans will be conscripted into the
26:20
pony poop collection Corps of America
26:23
providing one hundred percent
26:25
unemployment
26:26
I’m sorry a hundred percent employment
26:29
it’s a jobs creation program and so that
26:32
the poop won’t be in the street for long
26:33
no there’ll be pony poop collection
26:35
facilities every few hundred feet or so
26:37
so so there’s that and as far as the
26:41
pony welfare I mean of course people are
26:44
people will have a self-interest in
26:47
making sure that their pony is taken
26:49
care of and well-fed it’s all it’s the
26:53
invisible hooves the invisible hooves of
26:55
the marketplace will guarantee people
26:58
taking care of that very valuable asset
27:01
that they own and that they’ll be able
27:03
to borrow against and love and have an
27:06
and cherish because ponies are are
27:08
really nice I think we can all agree on
27:12
that now my one of my actually one of
27:15
our sponsors
27:16
personal injury attorney Chris Reynolds
27:17
attorney at law he if you live anywhere
27:22
if you live in Florida friend call Chris
27:24
Reynolds uh Chris asks he says this
27:26
sounds a little bit like pony slavery
27:29
what say you to that well there
27:32
that aspect of it I will not deny it
27:36
however I believe the important thing to
27:39
ask yourself is are you familiar with
27:42
the the movie series the Planet of the
27:45
Apes yes yes so you see it is almost
27:51
essential to enslave a nonhuman animal
27:57
race in order for it to evolve rapidly
28:01
and rise up against its humans
28:05
taskmasters to us sort of a long-range
28:08
plan in order to create a pony dominance
28:12
over the humans it may take a few
28:14
generations but I’m willing to take that
28:17
risk
28:18
pony liberation yes we must enslave them
28:22
first before we can liberate them
28:24
through a full-on Pony based revolution
28:28
but that’s why in the future we don’t
28:30
have to worry about that that’s
28:31
something for your grandchildren to deal
28:33
with do you gonna be great for you do
28:36
you consider yourself a furry no I do
28:41
not consume I am fairly furry and once
28:44
again I’m a mr. October in this coming
28:47
years libertarian dadbod calendar look
28:51
it up on Facebook libertarian dad bought
28:56
yeah oh yeah you were ready with that
28:59
one oh yeah so that’s an exciting sneak
29:04
preview fine now so okay cool um I can’t
29:11
get the feeling but I’m changing the
29:12
subject and I can never remember what
29:14
the original subject is I don’t I’m sure
29:17
it was very important the second
29:18
platform of your very aggressive agenda
29:20
is what you call the war on plaque many
29:23
of my followers are concerned of course
29:24
that your plan to force everyone to
29:26
brush and floss their teeth could be
29:29
perceived as authoritarian can you
29:31
present the libertarian argument for
29:33
mandatory tooth brushing of course not
29:37
okay
29:38
thank you I think it’s an important I
29:42
know libertarians are very reasonable
29:45
people
29:45
I mean there
29:46
they’re very aware either they’re very
29:48
woke if you will and they understand
29:51
that a little bit authoritarianism is
29:54
good for you I think we can all agree
29:57
for that I mean otherwise I mean are you
30:00
really gonna brush your teeth are you
30:01
gonna make your bed or you’re gonna put
30:02
your clothes away I’ll come on mom I
30:04
don’t wanna well let me sleep a little
30:06
more
30:06
that we all need a little bit of
30:08
authoritarianism in our life or am i
30:10
right parents and so yeah and as far as
30:13
nanny states go I believe it’s important
30:16
that give you give the the government
30:19
just a little bit of leeway and I mean
30:22
in what they do for your protection your
30:26
protection
30:27
you and your children’s protection
30:30
who else is gonna save you some for
30:32
black is it going to be you your
30:34
neighbors is gonna be flossing or will
30:36
it be the government that brings us to
30:39
you gingivitis has been a road in the
30:42
gum line of this great nation of ours
30:43
for long enough and must be stopped for
30:46
too long our country’s been suffering a
30:49
great oral and moral decay in spirit and
30:51
incisors a country’s future depends on
30:54
its ability to bite back we can no
30:56
longer be a nation indentured our very
30:59
salvation is at stake won’t you join me
31:03
as we cross over the bridge work into
31:04
the 23rd century let us bite the bullet
31:06
and brace ourselves as we become a sea
31:10
of shining smiling faces from sea to
31:12
shining smiling smiling smiling shiny
31:14
shiny smiling smiling shining shining
31:15
smiling smiling smiling shiny shiny
31:17
smiling see now it’s Ignat course this
31:20
mandatory tooth brushing law is not
31:22
about the secret dental police kicking
31:24
down your door at 3:00 a.m. to make sure
31:26
that you have brushed no no it’s not
31:29
about the preventive dental maintenance
31:31
detention facilities no it is absolutely
31:35
not it’s not about the dental
31:37
reeducation centers it’s not about the
31:39
government-issued toothpaste containing
31:41
an addictive yet harmless substance no
31:44
it’s not even about the DNA gene
31:47
splicing is greater waste a race of
31:49
winged monkeys to act as tooth fairy
31:52
enforcers what this mandatory tooth
31:54
brushing law is really all about is
31:56
strong teeth for a strong America thank
32:00
you
32:00
I’m vermin supreme interesting sidenote
32:02
the mandatory tooth brushing law has
32:05
been one of my longest planks it was
32:09
part of my 1987 mayoral campaign a
32:12
reference to it and it was inspired by
32:15
Massachusetts the one of the first
32:19
states in the nation that implemented a
32:20
mandatory seatbelt law and one of those
32:24
stickers that they put out a bumper
32:26
sticker said buckle up it’s the law and
32:29
it occurred to me at that time that boy
32:31
that’s a pretty stupid law maybe makes a
32:33
lot of sense but does it need to be a
32:35
law right and what could be a stupider
32:38
law and yes friends the mandatory tooth
32:42
brushing law sprang forth and I’ve been
32:46
a little blessed with coming up with
32:47
these very simple elegant and effective
32:52
devices that seem to have a great
32:54
residence you know a toothbrush
32:56
everybody brushes their teeth every day
32:58
we could only hope so you know people
33:00
hold a toothbrush but it’s you know when
33:04
I traveled euro land I hit 22 different
33:06
countries and I translated the phrase
33:08
brush your teeth it’s the law and people
33:11
understood that people got it you know
33:13
when you start talking about secret
33:14
dental police people get it essentially
33:18
uh you know I the mandatory tooth
33:21
brushing law was the entire text of the
33:23
Patriot Act
33:24
they simply stripped out the the dental
33:26
stuff so yes so and speaking of which
33:33
speaking of the Patriot Patriot Act as
33:34
I’m sure you know today is the 18th
33:37
anniversary of 9/11 do you remember what
33:41
you had for lunch today there were no
33:45
towers for lunch I’m just say there were
33:52
no towers ever ever okay thank you I had
34:00
a nice filet of smoked salmon topped
34:02
with sauerkraut and a bowl of
34:04
blackberries now one of the another one
34:08
of your plastics you know there’s
34:10
there’s a bagel store in uh in Chicago
34:13
that is named a sandwich
34:14
after me sure what effect called the
34:16
vermin supreme I think they call it
34:19
something else but it’s a it has my
34:22
picture on it okay that’s nice I like
34:25
that so another one of your lesser
34:27
agendas is the what you call the all-out
34:29
war on the godless read Chinese bastards
34:32
in order to recapture our national debt
34:34
and manufacturing base initiative or a
34:37
Oh wo t gr c bi o TR co n d a small a m
34:44
bi which is conveniently also the
34:47
address to your Bitcoin wallet do you
34:50
have anything you want to share about AO
34:52
wo t gr cbio III believe I have
34:56
moderated my opinions since that time I
34:59
believe maybe reading for my 2008
35:02
project vote smart entry is that true
35:05
I’m not sure it was somewhere on the
35:07
internet and it had your face on it yeah
35:09
well of course that the Chinese are now
35:11
our friends and our massive trading
35:14
partners and in tariffs partners and all
35:15
that good stuff
35:16
so I think we like the the godless of
35:18
Red Chinese communist bastards now I
35:21
think they’re our number one trading
35:23
partner so now it’s all about Narnia I I
35:27
focused on Narnia and middle-earth and
35:30
we’re not gonna stop until we take them
35:33
all out until we get every last or I
35:37
think that that’s very reasonable so
35:39
this is the time that I will be doing a
35:41
shameless plug hey gang are you thinking
35:43
of starting a podcast well I hope to
35:45
hell you are because anchor is the
35:46
easiest way to make a podcast anchor
35:48
gives you everything you need in one
35:49
place for free which you can use right
35:52
from your home or computer they have
35:53
creation tools you see that allow you to
35:55
record and edit your podcast so it
35:56
sounds great they’ll distribute your
35:59
podcast for you so it can be heard
36:00
everywhere from Spotify Apple podcasts
36:02
Google podcasts and many more you can
36:05
even make money from your podcast with
36:07
no minimum listenership now I know what
36:09
you’re thinking friend no minimum
36:10
listenership great day in the morning
36:12
well you’re gonna have a great day in
36:14
the morning too when you download the
36:16
anchor app or go to anchor dot F M to
36:18
get started just as soon as this program
36:20
is over do not leave until this program
36:22
is over
36:22
vermin I’ve never lied in my entire life
36:25
and I refuse to do
36:27
money off you puck yes I do with no
36:29
minimum listenership Wow that’s very
36:32
cool hey I’ll be one more ha how do I
36:34
begin
36:35
well vermin I’ll tell you what all you
36:36
got to do is go to the anchor app or go
36:38
to anchor Don FM to get started today
36:42
all right I’m gonna do that as soon as
36:44
as soon as this podcast ends hi you know
36:47
my new podcast and I we will give it the
36:51
link to that now vermin I’ve never lied
36:53
in my entire life I refused to start now
36:54
many of my fans and followers have
36:57
expressed some very deep reservations
36:58
with me both publicly and privately
37:00
about my having you on the show some of
37:02
them think that you’re damaging the
37:04
Liberty movement that major media is
37:06
seizing upon your candidacy and the the
37:08
silly parts of your platform to try to
37:10
make the Libertarian Party and
37:11
libertarianism in general look like a
37:13
joke what do you say to people who are
37:15
understandably concerned that you may be
37:18
spoiling the work that they’re that
37:20
they’ve done to grow the party well let
37:23
me say this about that I respectfully
37:26
disagree this run this campaign seeking
37:32
the Libertarian Party nomination is
37:34
arguably my first real campaign I mean
37:38
it’s a natural extension of 30 years of
37:40
campaigning for the presidency and it
37:44
feels very natural and I don’t believe
37:47
it is a detriment to the Libertarian
37:49
Party I am making an offer if you will
37:53
I’m I’ve been spent these thirty years I
37:56
have developed a character I have
37:58
developed a universe and I have
38:01
developed quite a fan base and this year
38:04
out of all the years I have an actual
38:08
libertarian based campaign staff and
38:10
they are very confident in my abilities
38:14
to present the libertarian message to
38:16
the public at large I believe that I am
38:18
indeed in a very good place to be able
38:23
to present the the planks of the
38:26
Libertarian Party platform because in my
38:28
estimation if I am chosen to front
38:32
little bit Arian party I will indeed be
38:35
focusing on the Libertarian Party
38:36
platform in addition to the zombies and
38:38
ponies and stuff I use
38:41
little skit it’s in little of plays and
38:45
things of that nature you know my
38:48
demographic is a mainly young people and
38:52
I look at the the current field and it’s
38:56
certainly nothing against the card field
38:57
but uh the bubble with which I have
38:59
surrounded myself do indeed believe that
39:03
I am possibly the only candidate with an
39:06
F name recognition to potentially get 5%
39:09
of the general election vote and of
39:11
course 5% is the gold standard for a
39:14
Libertarian Party candidate that in that
39:16
5% assures a ballot access for the
39:20
following four years the the figures
39:24
that I throw around are that there are
39:25
three point nine million high school
39:27
kids graduate a year give me two of
39:29
those years 2019 2020 that’s about eight
39:32
million kids add them on to the
39:34
seventeen million kids who are attending
39:37
college in any given year that’s a pool
39:39
of about 25 million voters if I can get
39:43
one out of four of those kids to vote
39:45
for me that equals the 6.5 million
39:48
voters that equals five percent now that
39:51
does not exclude or that does not
39:53
include the amazing millions and
39:57
millions of people that do not vote did
39:59
not vote and it also does not begin to
40:03
touch my nerd fan base essentially you
40:07
know my the people who appreciate what I
40:10
do sort of fall under this giant
40:13
umbrella and there’s are like all these
40:15
counterculture subcultures from crypto
40:19
nerds to magic the card game nerds to to
40:25
to demolition-derby nerds to roller
40:29
derby girl nerds to Comic Con nerds you
40:34
know beautiful people but they’re all
40:37
united under this sort of geek slash
40:39
nerd banner I’m not saying that in any
40:42
sort of rocketry fashion but leave that
40:44
my campaign has the potential to become
40:48
a viral sensation I I believe has the
40:51
ability to really catch on for the
40:55
those malcontents sand discontents and
40:57
the disillusioned and disgusted and the
41:00
people who have had just enough with the
41:02
system such as it is I also understand
41:05
that there is a major concern amongst
41:09
libertarian and party members that can a
41:13
serious party put up a person who is
41:17
perceived to be a joke candidate and not
41:19
be perceived as a joke party and I
41:22
believe that it is purely in the framing
41:25
and I believe that it could be framed so
41:27
that it could be successful it could be
41:29
something as simple as yes we are as a
41:31
libertarian party we are a party of
41:33
ideas ideals and values and we believe
41:37
and certain things and we act on these
41:39
things and we strive to to make the
41:41
world a better place
41:42
however pivot the current duopoly
41:46
presidential election system has indeed
41:50
risen to the level of the of a joke and
41:53
with love and spite here’s vermin
41:57
supreme and essentially I’m not out to
42:01
troll the Libertarian Party I am out
42:03
offering my services to help the
42:07
Libertarian Party troll America and you
42:13
know I mean I think your that the
42:14
hurdles that are in front of me are
42:17
conceptual I believe it says you know
42:21
it’s definitely trying something very
42:23
different and but it’s something that I
42:25
and others believe could be successful
42:29
and I believe that the Libertarian Party
42:32
could certainly survive averman supreme
42:35
candidacy and if I receive this honor
42:39
and this nomination I will do everything
42:41
within my ability and powers to to make
42:45
it successful make it a successful run
42:47
and oftentimes even in the past during
42:51
interviews and things you know I make it
42:53
clear that I am NOT a representative
42:57
libertarian you know or representative
42:59
of the libertarian party but if I am
43:01
chosen to be the representative I will
43:04
make these things very clear you know
43:06
you people are concerned I’ve been it
43:08
you know I
43:09
eight different libertarian state
43:10
conventions over the past year and you
43:14
know a very important part of that is
43:15
our strategy of just simply showing the
43:18
people that I don’t have a boot attached
43:22
to my head all the time
43:24
I really don’t don’t tell us like
43:26
breaking new breaking news everyone
43:28
anyway
43:30
yeah no no screenshots that please but
43:32
you know and that I am NOT my character
43:34
I mean many people only know me from the
43:36
memes they only know me from the video
43:38
snippets right and they only have these
43:41
these these prejudices these
43:43
predetermined understanding of what it
43:45
is that I’m doing so you know I’m not
43:47
always on I’m not no he’s disruptive I’m
43:50
a very reasonable man
43:53
I’m a highly respected political
43:55
satirist ask anyone and I do have a
43:59
legitimate offer that I am putting on
44:02
the table you know I do have this thing
44:06
that I have developed and I am willing
44:09
to harness it or allow the Libertarian
44:12
Party to harness it for their purposes
44:15
okay fair enough now there has been some
44:18
concern about your aesthetic do you
44:20
think that spray-painting yourself
44:22
orange would make you more electable I
44:25
think it’s actually rolling around an
44:27
actual cheeto dust and it will make you
44:30
much tastier also people want to lick
44:33
you all over
44:33
and certainly lick the boot because I
44:35
think America really wants to lick the
44:38
boot lick the boot that’s why cuz it
44:40
tastes like Cheetos I never even thought
44:42
about that now let’s be serious for a
44:43
moment here is this all just a big rent
44:47
seeking ploy from big Pony to goose
44:49
their pony profits well I do have some
44:54
futures and pork bellies you know I will
44:57
not deny that but I will put them in a
44:59
blind trust once the pony based economy
45:01
gets going
45:02
certainly that’s I mean big pony all of
45:07
it said with blind trust so it’s a fair
45:10
compromise now that the third and fourth
45:12
platform poke the eyes out of the
45:14
Trust’s what’s that I’ll poke the trust
45:17
in the eyes Oh ditz yet know that that’s
45:19
I think that’s how that works now the
45:21
third and fourth platforms on your
45:22
of course our harnessing zombies for
45:25
unlimited energy and going back in time
45:26
to kill baby Hitler these seem pretty
45:28
self-explanatory to me but feel free to
45:30
add anything you think needs to be said
45:31
about either of those well of course a
45:34
zombie power it’s it’s clean its green
45:36
its carbon neutral you know I mean they
45:40
occasionally fall apart but you know you
45:42
just got to put it back together again
45:43
or create more zombies so yeah I think
45:46
that’s gonna pick up our fuel dependence
45:50
and it’s it’s gonna be great time travel
45:53
of course once that’s underway all
45:55
things are possible and I do believe in
45:58
fact that there has indeed been a small
46:01
tear in the time-space continuum and let
46:06
me assure you that I do have a number of
46:10
very smart scientists in the past and
46:13
the present in the future working to
46:17
remedy this situation and I do believe
46:21
that we will return to a vermin supreme
46:25
presidency any moment now I apologize
46:30
for any inconvenience in the interim
46:33
thank you thank you
46:35
now speaking of zombies and Hitler you
46:38
and I are both going to be Bobby Hitler
46:39
where Hitler well let me show you we’re
46:43
both going to be in the libertarian
46:44
dadbod calendar as you had mentioned
46:46
before you’ll be mr. October you’re on
46:48
the left and I of course will be mr.
46:51
April on the right
46:52
tell America why they desperately need
46:56
our bodies well you’ve got a masturbate
47:00
over something people and here we are
47:04
giving something to you the American
47:07
public can FAP over what could be better
47:09
than that
47:10
that is as horrifying as any answer I
47:13
could have given Thank You
47:15
vermin a lot of that the Free American
47:17
Pony Party does spell FAP I think you
47:21
should know that thank you
47:24
Firmin a lot of blame games and
47:26
finger-pointing between boomers and
47:27
Millennials have been going on boomers
47:29
are blaming millenials Millennials are
47:31
blaming boomers sometimes Generation X
47:33
and Gen Z get thrown into it
47:35
occasionally why is no one
47:36
the blame on the Silent Generation where
47:39
it belongs yeah that would be a lot
47:42
easier those chumps it uh you know Eli
47:46
Whitney he invented the cotton gin I
47:48
think he deserves a lot of a lot of the
47:51
credit for the downfall society you know
47:55
there’s a lot of you Alexander Graham
47:56
Bell he he directly that started that
48:00
whole cellphone thing eventually yeah
48:04
Henry Ford for example trouble maker of
48:08
yeah Andrew Carnegie trouble maker yeah
48:13
well those all those things but once we
48:16
get the time travel system up and
48:17
running oh yeah
48:18
I think things are gonna be going good
48:20
yeah absolutely right well you know we’d
48:22
like to point out that uh zombie
48:24
technology is infallible there has never
48:27
been an accidental zombie release from a
48:30
FEMA licensed zombie turbine facility
48:32
thank you yes all I’m saying is Fred
48:35
Rogers got off real easy really that’s
48:38
that’s that’s all I’m trying to say
48:39
they’re not you have in the past you
48:41
refer to yourself in a neighborhood is
48:44
it really a beautiful day sir now in the
48:47
past you’ve referred to yourself as a
48:48
friendly fascist as opposed to
48:50
unfriendly Fassett fascist such as
48:52
Mussolini and Chris Christie do you can
48:55
still consider yourself a friendly
48:56
fascist and if so tell us a little about
48:58
friendly fascism well I I do in fact
49:03
still use the tagline and I just believe
49:08
it if you’re going to be a lord it over
49:11
or you know give your life over to some
49:14
authoritarian individual that you should
49:17
at least have a simulated personal
49:20
feel-good relationship about that person
49:23
so yeah I think when the boot is on your
49:27
neck the person with the boot on on your
49:30
neck should be smiling and asking if
49:33
you’re comfortable
49:33
cuz that’s only right there that’s only
49:36
fair that’s only fair I think that’s
49:39
only fair if someone’s gonna oppress you
49:41
at the threat of harm and death and rob
49:43
you then they should be nice about it
49:45
yeah it’s it’s one of the themes that I
49:48
often bring up to the riot
49:50
police or just the police that are
49:53
trying to round us all up or whatever I
49:56
do like to point out that I do expect a
49:59
certain level of professionalism in the
50:02
in my oppression thank you very much I
50:04
think that that’s only fair I think that
50:06
you know why be unfair in that situation
50:08
um now speaking of which as you would
50:11
mention before and for those who don’t
50:12
know you you have a history of
50:13
de-escalation of tension between police
50:15
and protesters there’s actually recently
50:17
uh about a year or two ago well two
50:20
years ago now there was a video which I
50:23
was not able to find just the clip of it
50:25
but you even stopped a group of anthem I
50:28
think they were Anti Fog protesters from
50:30
basically pummeling a trump supporter
50:32
during the Trump inauguration there was
50:35
this thing called the deplorable which
50:38
was a Trump supporters celebrating his
50:41
inauguration ant if I showed up I guess
50:43
they cornered one of them and and you’re
50:45
basically there defusing it stopping
50:47
them from you know beating this guy into
50:48
ending up in the hospital I find it very
50:51
interesting to watch I want to get your
50:53
thoughts on this this this I know it’s
50:55
not necessarily a new phenomena but it’s
50:57
new and being an older millennial and
51:00
for people younger than me this is kind
51:01
of a new phenomena for us watching
51:03
private citizens sort of dressing up in
51:05
costumes and beating each other up in
51:07
the streets while their actual
51:09
oppressors who were in uniform the
51:11
actual people who rob and subjugate them
51:13
kind of stand by and play referee what
51:15
are your thoughts on all of this and how
51:16
this is playing out well I will point
51:20
out that Europe has football hooligans
51:23
right and they are an extreme they’re
51:26
extremely violent gangs I think the
51:29
football hooligans they seem to get a
51:32
lot more of they’re a lot more violence
51:35
out than many of the street fighters
51:38
here in America not to justify it or
51:41
minimize it in any way shape or form
51:44
but you know the inter protester
51:47
violence if it is sort of a new and
51:50
interesting and disturbing trend the the
51:56
one the instant you are calling forth
52:00
did in fact happen at the deplorable
52:04
and I think Primo nutmeg still has that
52:07
footage up or at least their angle of it
52:10
James a slop he had the other angle and
52:14
I think he was with that gentleman and I
52:17
believe he’s bendy platforms I believe
52:19
okay that’s probably why I couldn’t find
52:21
I couldn’t find it I know I’ve seen it
52:23
before but I couldn’t find the actual
52:24
footage yes so the one of the angles
52:28
doesn’t exist anymore the other angle
52:31
still does and essentially what I saw I
52:35
did see that guy getting getting a
52:37
little bit beat up there a little bit
52:39
it was sticks he was a little bloody and
52:43
then when I came up upon him they were
52:46
he was with his guys and they were just
52:48
trying to figure out what to do and my
52:52
assessment was that he was a shit magnet
52:54
and they should he’d get him the fuck
52:55
out of there and in many instances
52:59
that’s often the best solution and that
53:02
was that was the solution that I offered
53:04
them that was the words that I had with
53:07
them and by telling them that the guy
53:11
was a shit magnet and they should get
53:12
him the fuck out of there
53:15
I did get credit for saving him from
53:17
from a beating that he might have got if
53:20
he continued not to get the fuck out of
53:23
there so a lot of these things are
53:25
common sense really yeah yeah yeah so
53:28
and I tend to agree with that I have
53:30
some follower questions I actually had
53:33
quite a few of them which I have
53:35
condensed into they’re basically many
53:37
variations of why are you literally
53:39
ruining everything which I think that
53:41
we’ve already addressed at this point I
53:42
think we’ve addressed the why are you
53:45
destroying everything I mean once again
53:47
I mean my involvement with the
53:50
Libertarian Party started when certain
53:53
members reached out to me for various
53:56
things Boomer Shannon from from
53:58
California he was instrumental in
54:01
bringing me into the party we worked on
54:05
a he had me do a fundraiser for the
54:09
Southern California Libertarian Party a
54:10
few years back and I was sort of the
54:13
guest that people were paying big money
54:15
for to attend an event for
54:18
and he raised a chunk of change for for
54:21
the Southern California Libertarian
54:23
Party at that time and then in 2016
54:28
Trent Solms former a leader of the or of
54:33
the youth caucus he reached out to me
54:35
and I believe it was when he was working
54:37
with the International Students for
54:40
liberty conference right and this
54:42
national students for liberty conference
54:44
brought me to their event they’ve
54:47
they’ve got enough of me to fly me and
54:51
my wife down and put us up in a hotel
54:53
room and I was given carte blanche to do
54:57
whatever I wanted to do in the it during
55:02
the opening of their events I was to
55:04
interrupt the president of the
55:05
organization speech and so I did that
55:09
and I did it with one of my scorching
55:12
renditions of the star-spangled banner
55:14
over the bullhorn complete with the the
55:17
Jimi Hendrix feedback which I’m
55:20
surprised it’s not more controversial in
55:22
its own right but all those kids seem to
55:25
enjoy the hell out of it and I spent a
55:27
wonderful weekend meeting all these
55:31
libertarian young people and once again
55:33
it was an eye-opener you know that and
55:36
you know my learning from the
55:39
libertarians in New Hampshire you know
55:41
it opened my eyes to how much support
55:43
and love that I had in the Libertarian
55:47
Party and that led to me directly
55:50
attending the Libertarian Party national
55:55
convention in Orlando in 2016 and that
55:59
was a very wonderful event there is
56:02
simply no other political party that
56:06
would have allowed me to get away with
56:08
having such wacky fun and hijinks with
56:12
the very convention the conventions of a
56:16
convention itself right it was I mean at
56:20
one point during the bill Wells
56:23
nomination I was walking around the
56:26
convention hall with a chair high above
56:29
my head high above my boot
56:32
walking it around and I was essentially
56:34
referencing the Bernie Bernie bro
56:37
alleged chair throwing incident that
56:39
occurred a little bit earlier than that
56:41
oh and and nobody nobody cared everybody
56:45
thought it was fine and and when I came
56:47
to understand was that pretty much half
56:50
the people there at the convention very
56:54
much enjoyed the fact that I was there
56:56
and was loving me having so much fun
56:59
with them the other half did not like it
57:03
very much at all however the half that
57:07
very much enjoyed it very much enjoyed
57:10
the fact that the other half was not
57:13
enjoying it so it also became a little
57:17
bit clearer that you know perhaps I was
57:19
a little bit of wedge issue perhaps
57:21
however I do believe that I have an
57:25
undeniable support in the Libertarian
57:29
Party there is a Syria there is a
57:32
appreciable number of individuals who
57:35
absolutely do support my candidacy and
57:39
as a result you know I have gathered or
57:42
people have volunteered I mean my
57:45
campaign manager Desiree Lindsey at you
57:48
know she approached me and asked me if I
57:50
want to make a serious run for the
57:52
Libertarian Party nomination right and
57:54
and she has to develop that into an
57:58
actual thing and has been guiding it and
58:01
at this point you know in any given
58:04
online poll which of course doesn’t
58:06
count for much but I do quite well if
58:11
you know up the top two or through
58:14
sometimes I mean when I went
58:16
head-to-head with John McAfee I think I
58:20
took came out like 73 percent on top and
58:23
then on two separate polls a
58:25
head-to-head with Justin Amash I think I
58:28
did 59 percent and so there is an
58:33
undeniable wave of support
58:36
am I the presumptive nominee I don’t
58:39
suspect that I am I would would not be
58:42
so presumptuous to claim to be the
58:44
presumptive
58:45
me but I and of course my internet
58:50
connection is unstable my computer’s
58:52
telling me but you know I do believe
58:54
that there are several solid arguments
58:58
why I would and could be the best
59:00
candidate for the Libertarian Party and
59:03
uh and there are indeed concerns in
59:06
reservations and arguments against and I
59:10
am certainly open I entertain these and
59:14
attempt to address these concerns and I
59:17
believe I’ve tried to address some of
59:19
them earlier um so it’s it’s really up
59:24
to the party up to the convention
59:26
delegates to decide whether that they
59:31
want to go this route I mean granted it
59:34
is a bold crazy wild idea but it’s just
59:39
so crazy it just might work or it may
59:44
feel mez miserably but we will know who
59:48
will know unless we try and so once
59:50
again you know I don’t have a vested
59:54
interest i I don’t you know I’ve been
59:56
doing this so long I you know I’m not
59:58
seeking power I don’t want to be or have
60:02
consolidate power in the Libertarian
60:05
Party I don’t want to control it or or
60:08
you know any of these things
60:10
I am simply making an offer I am putting
60:13
my offer on the table
60:16
you know I will work for you you know if
60:18
you want to use me in this capacity now
60:21
of course you know I’m trying to stack
60:23
the delegates much like any other
60:25
candidate because that’s simply the way
60:26
it’s done of course and we’ll just see
60:29
how successful it is and I you know
60:32
people like to play these political
60:34
games political nerds you know I mean
60:36
they are nerds political geeks are one
60:39
of my longest running audiences quite
60:41
frankly I mean people who follow
60:43
politics have known about me more than a
60:46
lot of other people I mean they they’ve
60:48
they pay attention to these things they
60:50
know what’s going up in New Hampshire
60:51
right
60:52
I mean sure primary it’s true I have
60:55
come in third against Obama when you
60:59
incoming I came in fourth in 2016 on the
61:03
Democratic slate when I ran against
61:05
Obama I pulled in 1.4 percent of the
61:08
primary vote so obviously there’s room
61:11
for improvement but once again that was
61:13
a an imaginary campaign if we write it
61:17
for real I think we can really pump up
61:19
the numbers I think we could do it
61:21
especially if everybody gets behind it
61:24
so you know I am the pragmatic candidate
61:27
I mean I think obviously travel it
61:31
obviously the pragmatic candidate yeah I
61:34
believe it a number of pragmatists our
61:38
understanding that pragmatically
61:40
speaking that sure I stand a legitimate
61:45
chance moreso than some of uh perhaps
61:48
reaching that golden 5% so you basically
61:52
just answered all but one of my many
61:55
follower quiet-like I had all these
61:57
listed and you pretty much I think you
61:59
might have had access to my notes
62:00
because you were basically answering all
62:02
of them there’s there’s one more which
62:05
which gives credence to the idea that
62:07
you exist in all time planes and
62:09
universes so but so there’s this one
62:12
question you did seem to miss which
62:14
someone said you’ve been doing this for
62:15
so long we all know you’re basically the
62:17
Tom Brady of American modern American
62:19
politics but do you think there will be
62:21
a point when you decide to pass your
62:23
boot on to the next generation or are
62:25
you in this for as long as you’re here
62:26
oh I think I’ve got a few good runs left
62:30
in me for sure 24 is right around the
62:32
corner 28 my original projections I was
62:36
basing them on America’s slow decline
62:39
and my slow rise and I knew they would
62:43
be somewhere and my my guess had always
62:47
been that it was going to be around 2036
62:49
is when I would reach the White House
62:52
however I’ve had to revise this given my
62:55
current popularity in in the Libertarian
62:58
Party and you know I know it’s a real
63:01
campaign because I am receiving a lot of
63:04
opposition and so that that can that
63:07
only show us how real it is that people
63:09
are so strongly opposed and actively
63:11
opposed to it right
63:13
I hope to win these people over and if I
63:16
can’t win them over right and a number I
63:19
have asked a number of people you know I
63:21
mean I know you will not support me in
63:23
the decision but if I am the libertarian
63:27
nominee will you support me and
63:29
generally they have said yes yeah if if
63:34
you were to let’s just devil’s advocate
63:37
sake of argument you were not to get the
63:39
Libertarian Party nomination and you
63:41
were offered the vice president slot by
63:44
Democratic nominee Marianne Williamson
63:46
would you accept it I would have to
63:50
think about that for sure okay it would
63:53
be quite an entertaining laughs that’s
63:55
true
63:56
okay thank you vermut so I I know I
63:58
gotta let you go soon I have one more
64:00
segment called final my fellow Americans
64:03
which is basically I’m going to give you
64:05
30 seconds which is not nearly enough
64:07
time but I’m going to give you a series
64:10
of policy positions that I personally
64:12
hold near and dear and you will tell me
64:15
yes or no if you’ll add them to your
64:17
list of campaign promises or not how’s
64:20
that sound
64:20
well is it a I can say it but not
64:23
actually do it correct I mean you say
64:28
yeah sure that’s a great idea
64:29
excellent you can absolutely you can
64:32
absolutely promise whatever you want to
64:34
promise so 30 seconds on the clock
64:36
good luck and I will start now arm all
64:39
prison inmates okay make every eighth
64:44
week day a paid federal holiday
64:47
absolutely it goes to a metric my
64:50
concept of metric time yes no no keep
64:52
going okay
64:53
price caps for sex workers
64:56
I don’t know about that but the market
64:59
will bear baby with the market will bear
65:01
ok blame the housing crisis on Bob Villa
65:04
Oh Bob yeah ok gay heroin for toddlers
65:12
what what do I look like Austin Peterson
65:15
or something free cheesy bread with the
65:18
purchase of any federal explosives
65:20
permit absolutely ok kill all the
65:23
remaining honeybees only if we can
65:27
replace them with robot bees ok
65:28
dehumanize anyone named Jeff would that
65:33
include Jeffery sure yeah ok ok they
65:39
won’t be human anymore well we’re just
65:40
gonna not treat them like they’re human
65:42
what will we treat them like they’re
65:44
ponies i we can create a new subhuman
65:46
standard for Jeff’s well dogs people
65:49
treat dogs really nice I’m alright yeah
65:54
I mean if Jeff was your dog you treat
65:57
him really nice yeah I would I would
65:58
treat Jeff like I treat my dog like I
66:01
treat my dog like my own right I mean
66:04
Jeff would be subhuman but you’d still
66:07
feed them and care for them and take a
66:09
look right gilded cages for Jeff ok 50%
66:13
tariffs on anything from Cleveland that
66:17
sounds fair ok and then the final one
66:20
which is the official platform of
66:22
muddied waters media legalizing
66:25
recreational plutonium well what else
66:29
would you use it for yeah exactly
66:32
exactly so vermin thank you again for
66:36
coming on this has been everything I
66:38
hoped it would be and more I hope to
66:39
have you on again soon I know I need to
66:41
let you go but before I let you go I
66:43
just want to give you a chance to give
66:45
your final thoughts anything you thought
66:47
we didn’t get a chance to discuss
66:48
anything upcoming that you want to
66:50
promote like for example the libertarian
66:52
dad bod calendar anything else that you
66:54
want to say vermin supreme the floor is
66:57
yours
67:00
well yes friends the switch to a pony
67:07
based economy will revolutionize the way
67:09
America does biz
67:10
pony’s create American jobs ponies will
67:13
revitalize in America
67:14
ponies are green transportation solution
67:16
they produce usable methane gas they
67:18
were lower our dependence on foreign oil
67:20
they are an abundant source of Pony
67:21
based fertilizer and they are the future
67:23
of America they are delicious they are
67:27
cute they are recyclable in summation
67:29
free ponies for all no new taxes and
67:32
economic prosperity for all together we
67:36
will ride our ponies into a zombie
67:40
powered future
67:43
thank you I’m vermin supreme I hope you
67:45
read my new book I Pony blueprint for a
67:47
new America lots of good illustrations
67:50
visit my campaign website we have bumper
67:53
stickers we have glitter ties we have a
67:56
little buttons with my face on it how
67:59
funny are those in case I’ll see y’all
68:04
the convention I’ll see you at your
68:05
state conventions if you have any
68:08
questions feel free to reach out to me
68:09
once again I’m not a lunatic I merely
68:12
pray one when we internet and I’m
68:15
willing to play that for you the
68:18
Libertarian Party of America peace are
68:22
you coming to Florence in November
68:24
Florence South Carolina I am working on
68:28
that that’s a that would be November 2nd
68:30
that’s a debate it’s a very interesting
68:32
question I believe that I have achieved
68:35
all the benchmarks I think I’ve raised
68:37
enough money to be in there ok however
68:39
they there is something about there a
68:42
dress code and they are specifically
68:45
trying to prohibit prop clothing and I
68:53
forget this something about head wear so
68:57
I’m a little concerned that my religious
68:59
freedoms might be a abridged or my
69:03
ability to freely express myself with a
69:05
boot on my head so there’s there’s a few
69:08
things that I’m going I have to work out
69:09
with mr. flood the state chair I just
69:12
dropped him a note in fact and but
69:15
fingers crossed hopefully so yeah I’m
69:19
gonna talk with my Scop people because
69:22
I’m good muddy waters are going to be
69:23
the
69:24
the official promoters and podcasters at
69:27
that event and I did not know that so
69:30
I’m gonna I’m gonna talk to my people
69:31
so check check get back to me on that
69:34
well yeah I’m gonna get back to you on
69:36
that because that’s first I’ve heard of
69:37
that but Furman thank you again I’m
69:39
gonna talk to you really briefly during
69:40
the outro so give me one second guys
69:41
thanks you again thank you again for
69:43
tuning in to this episode of my fellow
69:45
Americans I hope that this was as
69:46
edifying an experience as it was for me
69:49
and for my friend vermin
69:52
we don’t have an episode of the writer’s
69:54
block or mr. America the bearded truth
69:56
this week but be sure to tune in next
69:58
week on Tuesday for the next episode of
70:02
the muddy waters of freedom were Matt
70:04
Wright and I parse through the week’s
70:06
events with the joy and and reverence of
70:09
a sweet summer boy and then I’m actually
70:12
not going to be here next week for my
70:15
fellow Americans I will be out of town
70:17
doing some other very large very Jewish
70:20
thing but be sure to tune in the
70:23
following week and I’m sure I will be
70:24
back with yet another exciting and
70:27
amazing guest so guys thank you again
70:29
for tuning in to my fellow Americans and
70:31
god bless you
70:32
[Music]


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Spike Cohen
Spike Cohen
Local Jew. Contrarian stoic sentimentalist. Antidisestablishmentarianism. Will pet your dog.