Episode 47 – Caleb Takes Over for Mohammed

Caleb Franz joins Matt for an impromptu episode of The Muddied Waters of Freedom, where they talk about the FDA’s recent comments on kratom, the recent ruling that medical marijuana card holders can’t purchase guns, and then they talk about whatever comes up in conversation.

Here is the story Matt sent Caleb: Everything started back in the 80s, when most people we know weren’t even mistakes their parents thought they would make. I was kid napped and taken from my family by a group of circus midgets, who thought that one day I would rise among them to become the king of all the circus midgets. Later, after an unforeseen growth spurt, I was kicked out of the only family I had ever truly known for being too tall. I spent the next few years wandering the countryside hoping to find a family that looked like I would fit into, but most were happy with the children they already had, and not even open to talks of a trade of me for one of theirs. After years and years of loneliness, finding solace in raccoons and a random family of sea urchins that I stumbled across in Myrtle Beach one time, I realized I was probably meant to spend the rest of my life alone. I was pretty distraught, as you might imagine. Living off the land had grown tiresome, and my favorite delicacy, dumpster tacos, had dried up thanks to the internet and a series of memes talking about people’s love of tacos, which I think was a very precise ad campaign by the Big Taco industry in order to increase social acceptance of tacos, the same way Big Bacon had done a few years earlier. So, penniless, famililess, and tacoless, I was able to make my way to Tupelo, Mississippi where I met a gentleman by the name of Jesse, who was kind enough to bring me into his home and give me a job as a lawn gnome. For $30/day I had to stand outside in black face holding a lantern so people would know when his illicit sex parties were happening. Lantern on for no, lantern off for yes. I saw some crazy things at those parties, but the weirdest thing was when, on one of my state mandated potty breaks, I was approached by a man who asked me if I was ever in the circus, and i said yes. Well, I really said, “glorp” which is circus midget for yes, but still. He broke down crying and said he had lost his son to a team of circus midgets and he thought I may be him. That was the first time I met my father, wearing assless chaps, and horsemask, but it was ok. We hugged and hugged, and I think the semi he was rocking was from the party going on around us, but I didn’t care. I had found my family.